Calamity Jane Takes Aim

What the poop?

Well, it's been a long time since I've actually posted anything. I've been working on this monster post for the past week and a half or so, but it's still not ready to go. (Well, not this post, exactly... another post, but you know what I mean...) In fact, I wrote another post this morning about why it was taking me so long. But then I got "blogaphobia."

Perhaps your not familiar with the term "blogaphobia"... it's that feeling when you haven't posted for a while, so there's all this stress built up around whatever it is that you post next... so you continue not to post because you want "just" the right post... and then it's weeks later and you realize that you just have to post something lame and suck it up.

So, here's my lame post, so that I might get over my blogaphobia and begin posting smaller pieces instead of the monster 10 pager that I had started. I keep saying that I'm going to try to keep my blog phobia-free. But, that just seems to be impossible. Blogs, in so many ways, become the self-actualization of phobia.

Anyway, if you're still hanging in there reading (and I wouldn't blame those who weren't), you may be wondering... "What's with the title, CJ?" Well, here's the deal. On the average morning, I get up, make breakfast, pull on some "work-out" clothes, drive my husband to the Metro, and go to a local park for an early hour-long walk. This morning was an average morning. I did all of these things; however, as I was walking, I felt something drop onto my shoulder. Now, the lake where I walk is a heavily wooded area filled with all kinds of creatures, including lots of hanging worms and caterpillars, so I figured... I've probably got a caterpillar of some sort on my shoulder. I look down, and start to make a motion to brush it off... and there is a giant bird poop on my shoulder. Utterly disgusted (and yes, I shrieked. I shrieked loudly…) I was torn... I didn't want to have bird poo on my shoulder for the next two laps around the lake, but I didn't want to stop, either. So I stopped by a water fountain and tried to wipe it off.

Just in case something like this has *not* happened to you... Bird poop doesn't wash off easily--especially when you are attempting to wash it off your shoulder with your shirt still on from a tiny little child water fountain in the middle of a running path. In fact, it spreads. Fortunately, I stopped it before it crawled any higher on my shoulder... and I turned my sleeve over enough that it wasn't touching me... and, yes, I continued to walk.

At that point, though, self-consciousness kicks into high gear. As I was walking, I kept imagining what everyone was thinking as I walked by. I passed a pair of Korean grandparents with their children in strollers, and all I could imagine was that they were talking about the giant green spot on my shoulder. I passed a rather short, blonde, preppy lady, and I swear that I heard her sniff as I passed by. By the end of the second lap, the self-consciousness got the best of me, and I trekked my way back up to the car and drove home.

Now, at home, I ran into the house, stripped off the shirt and took a shower. But I had to share this with someone obliged to be sympathetic... so I instant messaged my husband, hoping for just a scrap of sympathy. You know… nothing elaborate... just that "That's-really-lousy,-honey. I-can't-believe-that-happened-to-you." kind of sympathy. You know what he told me instead? He explained to me that having a bird poop on you is good luck.

Here's my question of the day then. In what culture is having an airborne animal defecating on your shoulder good luck? Do we say, "Hey, that's good luck!" to a person who's newly washed car is christened with bird droppings? Has anyone seen someone running around a park, neighborhood, or mall celebrating "Look, I'm a lucky guy! I've been pooped on!" lately? So, where did we get such a crazy kind of superstition? And quite frankly... does anyone believe it?

Yep. I warned you. I warned you early on that this was going to be a lame post... and so it is. I'm going to wash my shirt now, and I hope the rest your day is luckier than mine!